The Importance of Trust to Live Life Fully

Trusting is built through action. Every promise you make to yourself whether it is to treat yourself with kindness or show up in some capacity to create something in your life, relies on your commitment to act in accordance with that promise.

Trust is not a given. It is earned, over time and with consistency. Trust is showing up everyday. or almost every day–or as often as possible in the way that you’ve committed to. Routines are built off of trust. Habits are built out of trust. Knowing you can do it, whatever it is, is a belief built out of trust.

I think it is safe to say that if we can all let ourselves down a lot when it comes to trust

Trusting yourself is hard

We have to acknowledge that trusting ourselves is hard. Showing up everyday, or almost everyday or as often as possible in committed action takes immense energy. Whether that energy is physical, mental, or spiritual, that thing you want to do, no matter how important, takes resources.

It’s also scary–trust. To stand in the face of learned ways of relating to yourself or the world around you, to go against what others think is best for you, or what at one time was in fact best for you is to throw yourself into the unknown and leave some of what you hope to accomplish up to chance.

All of this difficulty points to a sustainability required to trust. To allocate your energy appropriately is hard and to treat yourself with compassion on the inevitable road of process may be even harder. Trust must allow for deep listening to what we need. We do not show up only through forward moving action. We show up through pauses and detours and rest. True trust leaves room for being human and knowing that even in the face of failure, hardship or shame you will be supported. You will still show up everyday, or almost every day or as often as possible for yourself with kindness.

Mistrust, on the other hand, is unsustainable. It takes up too much energy or not enough or the wrong type. Mistrust is failing to show up with consistency as much as it is failing to show up with kindness. With mistrust you act out of fear or shame. There is a level of criticism and high expectations–a perfectionism that is unattainable or an avoidance that is severe.

You can waste a lot of energy in the space of mistrust

At its core trust is the action based on the belief you are inherently worthy. Mistrust is the opposite. Mistrust comes from a place of low self worth where your actions aren’t committed in good faith. Instead you spend your time trying to prove to yourself that you are worthy.

Usually acts of mistrust stem from your experiences and what you have learned about yourself from these experiences. For example, forms of trauma you have experienced can leave you with low self worth and the belief you have to prove yourself to be worthy. This can manifest as codependent behaviors of placing someone else’s needs perpetually above your own, violating your ability to care for your needs and set appropriate boundaries (Z).

Mistrust can also take the form of internalized oppression where, as Rachel Ricketts in her book Do Better:Spiritual Activism for Fighting and Healing from White Supremacy says “ we oppress ourselves by internalizing the myths and misinformation of white supremacy about our race, gender identity, sexual preference or ethnicity” (Ricketts, 126). Internalized oppression can keep you in an exhausting state of trying to hide your authentic self from the world, leading to actions that violate your own wants and needs, building mistrust.

When it comes to mistrust the question to ask is: How often do you act against your best interests or in a way aligned to shame or fear? When you act from a space of trust, you act from a space of deep acknowledgement of your inherent worth. You listen to the thoughts and feelings that arise in your mind and body and respond to them, consistently and with commitment showing up for your needs aligned with your authentic self.

In trust you are able treat yourself with compassion rather than criticism

On that note, let me be clear self-criticism does NOT lead you towards the achievement of your personal goals, just like a highly critical relationship does not build a successful long term partnership. Trust in yourself is like a healthy partnership. It is built over time through consistent and committed action.

Self-criticism comes from that place of mistrust, the place of “I am only worthy if…”. It is conditional and flaky. Trust does not live in that space. It requires consistent nurturing and support and kindness It requires self compassion.

Self compassion, over self criticism creates feelings of safety in the body. Self criticism releases adrenaline, cortisol and high levels of stress into the body which activate the trauma response. Self compassion, on the other hand ,motivates through care giving behaviors of “warmth, gentle touch and soft vocalizations” (Neff, 12:00). It is supportive. It releases oxytocin and opiates into the brain which are responsible for our feelings of safety. Just like a partnership grounded in these qualities, this environment builds a solid foundation of trust.

Trust is the prerequisite for showing up in your life fully

Trust is the capacity to show up with commitment and consistency for yourself. It is how you make choices everyday, or almost everyday or as often as possible to listen to the inner workings of your heart and move forward into action with kindness. Trust is grounded in your inherent worth. It is grounded in deep compassion for yourself. If you trust that you are worthy of doing that thing whatever it may be, then you can keep going amidst inevitable failure, change and difficulty.

Trust is making the choice, right now, in this moment to show up fully for yourself.

Trust is making that same choice tomorrow.

Everyday, or almost everyday, or as often as possible.

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Works Cited

Neff, Kristin. “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen.” Youtube. Talk by Kristin Neff. Feb 6, 2013. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4.

Ricketts, Rachel. Do Better: Spiritual Activism for Fighting and Healing from White Supremacy. Atria Books, 2021.

Z., Mer. “The Connection Between Self-Worth and Boundaries.” Happinessclinic, 16 Feb. 2021, www.thehappinessclinic.org/single-post/self-worth-and-boundaries.