In the wellness space, the journey to more purpose and meaning and joy, is often to the detriment of the very thing you seek. The mentality is over there, after the boxes have been checked off, the candles lit, the yoga class taken, you will be able to rest in what you have created. Over there you will find purpose. Over there is something to savor. This mentality, perpetuated by a society that values achievement and productivity above all else, leaves you on a hamster wheel of self improvement; self improvement that falsely defines your self worth and leaves you full of self loathing rather than self love.
That being said, making changes in your life is how you grow as a person, so the real question is how do you “improve” yourself (aka step into a new version of your already good enough self) without all the judging and criticism?
First, let’s recognize that there are entire industries devoted to supposed wellness and wellbeing that stop you from appreciating where and who you are. Second, when it comes to self improvement that feels good, we want to talk about self love.
Here are three ways to put more self love into your self improvement:
Love Yourself Where You Are
(Not where you will be)
What you do to better yourself shouldn’t make you feel worse about yourself. It shouldn’t make you feel as if you have added more impossibly high standards to your already impossibly long to-do list. It shouldn’t make you feel as though you aren’t making the right changes to your life, or achieving enough self improvement to call yourself mindful, or living with purpose or happy.
Yes, if you want to make changes in your life, true life altering aka life improving changes you will have to feel a little uncomfortable, but discomfort is inevitable–painful is not. Your journey to more well-being does not have to be a process where you shit on the person you are today. The person you are today, you will carry with you into tomorrow. That person you are today informs how you see yourself tomorrow.
Today as well as tomorrow you deserve love.
Today as well as tomorrow you deserve to savor your life.
Savor the Progress You Are Making
(Not what you lack)
Wellness culture will have you believe that once you get to that perfect lifestyle or perfect body shape or perfect diet or perfect thought process that you will somehow have level upped your life enough to be removed from the mess and nuance that is living in a human body on an organic planet. Perfect doesn’t actually exist. The opportunity to stop and notice what you have created, or achieved or who you simply are at any given time, is not reliant on you somehow earning that opportunity.
Your ability to bring more well-being into your life starts with the ability to accept where you are because if you can’t be here then you won’t be able to be there either. Letting yourself witness the journey, when you aren’t exactly sure where you want to go, or haven’t fully achieved your goals or are just starting out, creates the perspective needed to celebrate and savor your self improvement when it does happen. It also creates the conditions to help you see and celebrate your progress too.
Embrace the Long Game
(Instead of seeking quick gains)
How often do you have such high expectations of the endpoint, that anything less than perfect becomes a disappointment? How often does motivation quickly turn into self criticism when the inevitability of missteps and unforeseen circumstances cloud your progress?
Personal growth is a long game. Making impactful changes to how you choose to show up in the world is a long game. Things happen. You stop and start and start again. There’s ebb and flow. Coming back to the moment you are in helps you to embrace the organic nature of self improvement. It helps you see your progress as a practice.
Can you let go of the false narrative that your life starts when you become better than you are now? Can you let go of the idea that you have to achieve something for life to begin to be lived fully? Now, in this moment, is the opportunity to live fully.
Savor the process as well as the progress. You’re not there yet and that’s okay. You are here growing into someone new, worthy every step of the way.